Spring Banquet

Sara and me with our "dates." They sure look stoked to be there with us... I think they were just looking for a ride.

What's Going On

It's the last week of classes.
I have a project (10 "findings"/journal entries) & paper (12pgs.) due tomorrow.
I have lot of work to do, and of course I can't focus.

Tomorrow is Spring Banquet.
I have a pretty dress to wear.
I got a pedicure today, and it is not the best ever. In fact, it was a bit messy, and I had to clean it up. Terrible news.
I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow by Tami the hair wizard.
Today was rainy, so I'm all a-frizz.

Next week I have a Worship project due,
a 10pg. paper for my Bonhoeffer class,
and a project and 10pg. paper due for Images of Christ.

I need to figure out my housing situation.

There is a choir practicing outside my office, which happens often.
I must go try to write something.
Ugh.

Oy. I'm a nut.

I have a sermon to write.
It's a 7 Last Words sermon for the University Worship service tomorrow,
which means that folks from the whole university could be there.
I don't have any clue how to write this.
So, I'm sure I'll still be working on it tomorrow morning...
Rock on.

In just over an hour

I'm going to Charleston!

That is, provided I get all the stuff done that I need to in the next 60 minutes...

Bah!!

I can't focus.
This long overdue midterm is thus far only
eight sentences long.
Alas.



"sometimes we forget
who we got,
who they are,
and who they are not..."
~Amos Lee

screeeeech

The weather is lovely,
with blue skies and warm sun.
(We'll ignore the yellow pollen blanket.)

There are tiny people running around and screeching outside my office window.
That's how I noticed that I have a headache.

I jammed my thumb on the steering wheel last night
and my nail split --
not down the middle vertically
but across the side HORIZONTALLY.
That sucks. Pain, blood...
but it's no broken kneecap, so I'm good.
You don't realize how useful a digit is until it causes you great pain.

I got a weird phone call this morning
about, you know, being a minister
and I had to go eat some bacon and talk to Daniel.
I'm good now.

magnetic poetry in my office

* you look a little lost but fascinating
* together everybody was beautiful
* it's lunchtime
* don't worry I is eating
* dude nice pants!
* we like cute fabulous brilliant...whatever between
* delirious flower this is naptime
* she likes rock & roll beauty
* he wanted good food good times outrageous people
* yeah right she is hanging out with our hero
* the boring woman was his clown love
* family is different
* soon the comfort of sleep
* she let out a sweet laugh
* oh boy she wasn't queen you're bling?
* he liked serious drink dark
* you are a good friend
* this is that light secret smile

sometimes:

- it's too hard to explain what's going on, even to yourself
- you find the perfect song at the perfect time
- there is too much work to be done, and it's overwhelming
- the weather is pretty and the office is cool, the pollen is thick and the air is humid
- there's no explanation for where the time went
- it's just good to talk about nothing
- reconnecting is simple
- I'm totally ready to be done with school
- I can't imagine what comes next
- blogging is an excuse for not doing real work (I mean, it's called "Procrastinate with me")
- things work out better than you think, despite lack of planning


"strange how hard it rains now,
rows and rows of big dark clouds
but I'm holding on
underneath this shroud..."
~Patty Griffin

The Hirsch

"Ohh, I don't know what to do with this one wild and precious life!"

She was lying on the floor of our office, taking a brief break from the paper on which we are both working, and which was due in the class we are both currently skipping.

Older? Yes. Wiser? Um...

I have a paper due in the morning.
It's to be 8-10 pages.
In the past (which is either a couple weeks or over a year),
I have read most of both the books I plan to discuss/compare.
(That's right, I haven't read either book the whole way through.)
And I haven't started.
Good news: I'm taking the class pass/fail.

In better news,
the waitress carded me on St. Pat's
2 days after I turned legal+8.

Rock on.

Spring Break, part 2

After 12 hours in the ATL oon Wed/Thurs,
I jumped in my car and headed to my aunt's beach condo in FL.
Got in some good girl time,
visited my grandmother twice,
and saw Yetta on the way back home yesterday.

Spring break was good,
but not so much restful.

I did a lot of driving.
Luckily, I could be called a driving enthusiast.
Just don't tell Mitch.
("I mean, I like boats, but I don't want to be called a boating enthusiast...")

Spring Break, part 1

Headed to Alabama
with 8 undergrad students in my charge
to work on houses
and have some fellowship.
Back to the ATL on Wednesday
then headed to the beach for my birthday.

Rock on.

TO DO List for the next 36 hours:

1.) Finish Bonhoeffer's Ethics. I've read about 1/3 of the book, and it's crunch time so the rest will be skimmed heartily.
2.) Write 10 pages (which we all know really means 8 and 1/2) about Ethics by 5pm tomorrow.
3.) Write a worship reflection for 8am tomorrow. This will also require reading (obviously I mean skimming) something. And I bet I'm supposed to go to class, too.
4.) Go to a Candler student gov't meeting at lunch tomorrow. I sure hope there's food.
5.) Find someone to go with me to pick up the rental van, and then go pick up the rental van.
6.) Shop for the mission trip. This will include purchasing 5 pairs of gloves and safety goggles, 3 hammers, and 5 airmattresses. (Matt added 3 lbs. chicken and 4 basketball nets to the list, which is funny because he's vegetarian and not that tall.)
7.) Pack supplies for the mission trip.
8.) Pack my own stuff for the mission trip.
9.) Get donuts.
10.) Load the van for the trip at 7:30am Saturday, and roll out at 8am for southern Alabama.

Amen.

um, chel-lo.....

this song I'm listening to is called "Pickup Truck Girl"
and it's an instrumental
and the instrument is a cello
and the instrumentalist is Ward Williams.

oooh, now it's John Denver singing "Annie's Song" --
officially my favorite song of all time.
it's on the album my family always listened to on road trips,
an album we've had in many incarnations --
cd, tape, and yes even 8track.

so, I'm listening to music on itunes
because I was falling asleep trying to read.
I have loads of reading to do -- 2 entire books, in fact
by tomorrow
and one of them is Bonhoeffer's Ethics
which, let me just tell you, is no easy read.
turns out the prof was not joking
when he said that at the beginning of the course
6 or 7 weeks ago...
he suggested starting reading then...
interesting.

i like oreos.

paper...

I have 968 words.
The max is 1200.
I have completed 2 sections of the paper, for the most part.
That leaves one section and significantly less than 300 words
until I can go to sleep.

Must focus on "how Word and the Holy Meal refresh one another."
Must first figure out what the heck that means...

I'm wearing a purple raincoat

because it's DREARY!
It's all gray and hazy and misty outdoors.
Yesterday was GORGEOUS. And I loved it. Sun, blue sky, light breeze...
No more.
Rain, you are tedious!

However, something to be glad about
is that I have a giant purple flower pen
to write with that Candace made for me.
It's pretty ridiculous. Also it's pretty. And it's ridiculous.

Dave Scott is on our couch.
I mean maybe not right this second,
but he has been sleeping and sometimes lounging there
for the past week
and the weather has extended his stay one more night.
He said this to me at breakfast yesterday:
"The majority of my leisure activities involve exercising my id."
(Maybe he said "exorcising" -- it's hard to tell the difference in pronunciation,
and although I used context clues like we were taught in elementary school
I may well have made the wrong vowel assumption.)

We have also gotten to hear loads of stories
recounting Dave Scott facilitating the learning of small children.
* Trapezoid. Auuuuggggh!!! Dodecahedron. WOAHHHHH!!
* Benevolent... Malevolent!

ugh

I'm getting sick.

On Friday, I thought my throat was just sore from breathing all that cold air at frisbee.
I might have been mistaken.

I am achy and exhausted, despite a nap yesterday and at least a full 8 hours sleep last night.
My throat hurts and my head feels cloudy.

I have class tonight, and I don't want it.
I have so much class tomorrow I can't even focus on it.

Here's where you cheer me up by saying:
"But Beth, it's a beautiful day
and there's a fun bird on your shirt!"

you are dust...

It was POURING this morning
and I got to class
soggy and furious.
Maybe more grumpy and whiny than furious,
but soggy nonetheless.


It's Lent now.
There are ashes on my forehead.
I read in the noon service at school.
I'll go to another service at church tonight.
I'm going to have to remove these ashes so I can get more later.

I've never been successful giving stuff up for Lent.
Usually I try cussing and coke.
This year, I think I'm limiting myself to 1 coke a day (that's reasonable, right?)
and I'm going to try to give up candy. I eat a lot of candy.
The other thing I'm going to do is
every day
call someone who I love that lives far away from me.

just thinking...

I'm going to hear a guy speak on Sunday night. His name is Shane Claiborne, and he and his friends started an intentional Christian community called the Simple Way.
I read some of the stuff that he wrote about living out faith in community, being a neighbor, living out justice... and I feel more connected to it than most of the stuff we talk about in our seminary classes. I don't care at all about Public Worship. Not at all. I don't care much about UM Polity. The classes that have stood out to me have been ones that talked about stuff I already knew I loved -- Urban Ministry, Church and Community ministry, even women in the NT... But I am enjoying Howard Thurman, and I should pay more attention to Bonhoeffer. They both speak a lot to what it means to embody what you believe.

I'm sure I'm thinking about all this stuff because I'm starting to get antsy. I'm getting close to time to move on. And I'm not really sure what's next. I haven't been able to make myself focus on the CPE application long enough to finish the page-worth of writing I have left. Does that mean I don't really want to do it? Or just that I'm being my usual procrastinator self? Who can say...

I love Candler. And I really like being the Wesley campus minister. Applying for that job has crossed my mind, but I really really believe they need someone with a passion for campus ministry who can commit 5 or 10 years to them. And I don't have those qualifications. I think I could love full time campus ministry, and I think I could be way better at it if I could focus, and maybe someday down the line I will come back to campus ministry.

But for now, for the whole time I've been here really, I feel compelled to get back out there, to do more real things. Not that campus ministry isn't real. But it isn't where I feel most alive. I loved working at the shelter. I hated living there, and I hated the way things were for people. But I loved being there with and for people, sitting on the stairs talking with the moms, playing with the kids in the parking lot. I loved advocating at the capitol and going with people to appointments to advocate for their rights. I loved making presentations about homelessness and what people could do to help things change.

This guy writes about the stuff that fills our conversations here -- community, embodiment, ministry of presence, living into the Kingdom... the difference, you see, is that he is really doing it. And we sit in my living room drinking beer. Or we hurl empassioned emails at each other in our online forum. Or we gather in our common space at school, on the pretty new couches I worked so hard to get (why did I choose that to be determined about? couches? really?). We speak in theory, and this guy lives in reality. I know we have to live in the tension... but it drives me crazy.

I came here to figure out how to do those things better, how to work harder for love and justice and peace to guide our lives and our society. And I have grown farther from what I was doing, farther from where I want to be, and I am less connected to the real work of justice. At Emory, I am farther from the real world, farther from the margins than I have ever been. And I don't know how to get back.

Exhausted

I slept through class this morning.
I spent most of the day sitting at my desk in the more-empty dining library.
I made potatoes, and they were different from the last time, but quite good.
I'm wearing comfortable, baggy, soft clothes and my eyes still look bright.
I've been reading about an idealist, really-lived-out Christian community and I feel more connected to it than to 75% of my classes at seminary.
I just read a blog by a friend, and I am overwhelmed at human cruelty and despair.
I have to write a sermon on the Transfiguration, and I think I'll talk about transformation in general as a Christian practice.

I have no idea what to do next.