A Middle of the Night Collaborative Procrastinative Story

(A friend, or two, and I wrote this between 1:30 and 2:45am. Just guess which parts I wrote...)


When Alicia was 5 years old, she loved to climb trees.
One day, as she was climbing the tallest tree in the forest, she was attacked by a mutant super monkey who lived at the top of the tree in his high-tech simian lair.
The monkey's mutant trait was an excessively sophisticated wit, with which he verbally assaulted the startled but amused little girl.
Along with his wit, he was also a ninja monkey whose goal was to lead a primate rebellion and wipe out all of humanity, leaving himself as ruler of the world.
Luckily, young Alicia's strange childhood provided that she had several things going for her in this seemingly desperate situation: her mother was also a ninja, not to mention a mediator in the courts, and her father a gymnast, both of whom rigorously trained Alicia in their specialty arts from birth; her youth and small stature made her a quick, tiny target for the bumbly mutant ape; and her laughter was infectious.
Yes, the infectious laughter. For young Alicia had also been trained to use her voice as a weapon. It's sub-harmonic registers playing havoc with the monkey's inner ear.
But the monkey was prepared for this eventuality. He had tangled with Alicia's family before, as they were the only thing between him and his goal of conquest. The monkey activated his sonic dampeners. He then called for his gorilla henchmen to take care of the pesky Alicia.
What he didn't know is that Alicia, a very smart child whose grandfather was a zoologist, spoke gorilla and that she had befriended these gorillas on her way into the forest, when she had stumbled on an injured baby gorilla wedged under a log and had helped it become untrapped.
Unfortunately, this "baby" gorilla was a sleeper agent, whose task it was to insinuate himself into the good graces of Alicia's family. The Mutant Super Monkey had been searching everywhere for Alicia's grandfather, who had gone into hiding as he researched the secret of the monkey's power. The monkey knew that Alicia's grandfather, indeed her whole family, must be stopped.
"HMPH!" said the monkey.
Unfortunately, the infectious laughter was no laughing matter. It made it's way through the town below which is the reason Alicia climbed the tree in the first place. The people below belonged to the evangelical church that loved to laugh. They laughed so much, and blamed it on some deity mind you, that they all ended up dying. Twas a sad day indeed. The few remaining went to the tree on which Alicia climbed to find her...they were not pleased with her "infectious laughter Disease" in the least bit. And don't even get me started on what the monkey did when he got ILD.
When the townspeople arrived, however, Alicia knew she had a lot to deal with, especially for someone of her age. Unfortunately, the monkey's territory got so overrun by the townspeople and he was so affected by ILD that he didn't know where to start. The townspeople tried to grab Alicia, and the monkey tried to work his ninja moves on her. But no one could grab her. Rather their fingers all just grazed her, and Alicia was incredibly ticklish. Again, her laughter rang through the forrest, and the "baby" gorilla sleeper agent she had rescued fell victim to ILD. Alicia was distraught. She didn't like for anyone to be hurt, especially not at her own doing.
As the townspeople were tearing themselves apart, destroying their civilization, sinister alien forces were watching, waiting for the opportunity to strike. Little did Alicia know that she was the Earth's only hope, and a slim hope it was.
She was certainly slim, for her parents were health nuts and made sure she ate well and exercised plenty for her age and height. Regardless of her size, she possessed a wellspring of hope that had always impressed all who met her. She bubbled with joy, which, sadly, only increased the ILD. At this moment though, the one weapon she most regretted having -- laughter -- might be the only thing that could save the planet. If only she could convince the ninja monkey that they could work together, that her grandfather was not trying to harm the animals of the woods but wanted to find ways to use their collective powers for good. For she had learned much from her grandfather about love and kindness to others.
As she said these things to the monkey, she realized what a dirty hippy she truly was. "Oh my," said Alicia, "I sound like a nutjob."
Unfortunately, the aliens chose this moment of self-doubt to launch an all-out assault on the planet.
Since she was five and had no idea what the word "nutjob" could mean, it sounded incredibly funny to her. As tiny little kids often do, she couldn't stop laughing once she became amused with this word. She couldn't stop thinking about the acorns and pecans in her yard putting on clothes and going to work. And as she laughed, a strange thing happened. The aliens were not affected in the same way as humans. That is, it didn't kill them or cause them to thrash about as if in a demon-possessed trance. On the contrary, the aliens froze, listening to the magical sound of Alicia's laughter. Since they had been farther away before, the laughter had not reached them until they came close enough to launch their attack. Something began to change in the aliens. It was quite mysterious, and they couldn't quite explain it, though one tried, saying something about the "lifefluid-pumping internal organ" in his chest "becoming oddly less chilled." Sadly, the laughter was the end of the deranged ninja monkey. But the aliens had a change of their strangely warmed hearts, and simply picked a few flowers and grabbed one dog to take back with them to their own galaxy. Alicia climbed down from the tree, skipped home, and told her story to her parents. Interestingly enough, they did not believe her, which is a common problem for five year olds with incredible stories to tell.