I'm taken aback.

I just visited a different church.
I got doorprizes.
And the sermon included a sexist illustration.

I was on call last night, and I spent a little extra time at the hospital this morning. So I wasn't ready in time to get to the church I had planned to go to, which is at least 20 minutes away.
Well I have passed this sign for a UM church between my apt and the hospital, and I decided that since it's less than 10 minutes away today might be a good day to visit.

I almost walked back out as soon as I arrived. The guy was praying about winning souls, and that's not really my jargon or theology. But someone spotted me. I was greeted and given info about the church and a fancy pen in a box. Then I was ushered to a seat.
The pen was really fancy, so that felt a bit like a bribe to come back.

The minister had picked a topic and used the concordance. He sited at least 9 scripture passages. No joke. I wrote them down.

So up until this point, each of those things on its own is tolerable. Not my ideal worship experience, but tolerable.

The sermon was about love, and the guy was trying to say that love endures because it's a decision that is enabled by God and that it requires adaptation and commitment. The most outstanding illustration mentioned the jogger this morning -- "guys, you know the one" -- "her parts that you admire now will be sagging tomorrow." I didn't know what to do. All the old men laughed, and the women looked uncomfortable. I was so horrified.

I thought about walking out (for the second time now). I thought about telling the minister that I was offended when I met him at the door after the service. But then when I did meet him at the door, an usher told him I was a first time visitor, and the minister shoved a bigger box into my hand. So now I have a pen and a travel coffee cup with the ensignia of this church that creeps me out.

[Additionally, the church is in a predominately hispanic area, but none of the service was in spanish and there did not seem to be any outreach to/opportunities for the surrounding spanish-speaking folks.]

I am terrible. I can't go to a church without analyzing everything. There's more here, but... that's enough. I feel so crazy.