Although I am a random info sharer

(to unsuspecting friends, grocery cashiers, strangers...)
I was alarmed to notice
the quanity of personal information revealed
in the previous two posts.

And neither directly mentioned procrastinating.
However,
I am entirely certain I was putting off
doing something productive
when I wrote them.

Here are some possibilities:
1. doing the dishes
2. going to bed
3. reading theology
4. reading the Hebrew Bible
5. eating, which really means preparing food
6. taking out the trash and recycling
7. getting dressed
8. taking a shower
9. reading theology
10. straightening up my piles of stuff everywhere

I double mentioned
reading theology
because I consciously avoid that
more than anything else.
Funny that it's what I'm
paying thousands of dollars to study...

Ending the bedtime procrastination
for tonight
(though I did put off reading this afternoon
by taking a 3 hour nap).

So, I just looked at deadmule.com, and felt inspired to claim my dual citizenship

Why I could be a Southerner:
I watched “Glory” every year in high school history.

I’ve lived in 4 Southern states (SC, NC, FL, GA), which is four times the number of Midwestern states (MN).

I love porch swings. And rocking chairs. And a cool breeze on a late summer evening, visiting outside with friends. And ceiling fans. Anything that moves the air in the summertime.

I can distinguish between the three types of Carolina Barbeque, and yellow sauce kicks the sorry @$$es of ketchup-based and vinegar-based.

I left the parking lot of my high school graduation and drove four hours for a week at Myrtle Beach, complete with hours at the Pavilion and friends hauled off to jail.

My best friends include a jailer and a high school teacher.

I spent many a summer day so sweaty I didn’t care anymore.

I might not eat grits or okra, but I love me some bbq.

My summer time delicacy is a tomato sandwich: freshly picked, still warm from the sun tomatoes, wonder bread and mayo.

Cheerwine. Dear god, that stuff is good!


Why I’m still a Minnesotan at heart:
I was born in St. Cloud, and spent the first ten years of my life in little farm towns.

I know the proper response when someone asks if you want to “go with.”

I love cheese. And nearly all dairy products.

The Twins will always be my favorite baseball team. I waved my homer hankie during the ’87 and ’91 World Series, and cheered for Kirrrrrrrby Pucket, Kent Hrbek and Bert Blylevin. But my favorite play was Dan Gladden stealing home, or when he hit a grand slam.

I’m 3/8 Swedish, which is not bad. And my parents tried to make me dress up as St. Lucia and serve them breakfast in bed.

I remember eating krumkaka at Christmas, and I know what lutefisk and lefse are.

Snow forts and ice skating filled almost half the months of my childhood.

I’ve gotten used to overcooked vegetables, but I still prefer my green beans crunchy.

They are Rice Krispy “BARS” – not treats!

I still miss twilight and northern lights, even after 17 years in the South.

It's Late. 1:48am. Which I guess is early.

When you really think about it.
I think this will be long and weird.

I have told a few people lately
and some people from before now
already knew this or some part of it.

I have holocaust-type dreams.
That's the only way I can categorize them.
I read Eli Weisel's Night in college
and it's like the rounding up for the ghettos.
And maybe it comes from the memory of that book.
Or maybe it comes from hearing the stories
of my college friends from Kosovo
who were forced from their homes
and had to run or made it to refugee camps.
Maybe from all those books I read as a kid
about Harriet Tubman and the Underground Railroad.
Or maybe just from my overwhelming desire
to help.

Here's how it goes:
There are bad guys coming to get us --
an "us" that includes me and some group
definitely with children.
And I have to direct, lead, help
people to hide.
I am not usually personally at danger
except for the aiding of those who are.
And I never get it right.

So I already knew I wanted to save the world.
I've been having these dreams for years
since college for sure.
But I knew when I was little that I would do something
some job that would help people
have better lives.
And I did for a while in Tallahassee --
at least I tried.
I helped people find jobs and homes
and get their kids in school
and set goals for the first time.
But I had no training.

So now I'm in school
and I'm learning about
theology and church history and connections between faith and health
and I go to Contextual Education for 4 hours a week
and it is cool and all
but I don't feel like I really do anything.
Most of the time I am okay with it
because I know this is a time of preparation
a time to be still and learn and grow
to get ready for when I can do that stuff I want to do again.

But every so often
I feel restless and tired of reading.
Because despite my english degree
I do not love reading the stuff we have to read
and it is really hard to make myself do it.
I would much rather be at some agency
talking to someone about who they are and what they want to do
and trying to help them figure out how that can happen.

Many of my friends here are very academic
and I just never was.
I have said before
and it is still true that
I like the academic/school environment
and I like going to class
discussing issues
learning and gaining new perspective
but I don't really like being a student.

One day, I think I'll be
the old lady who audits random courses
at the local university.
I'll probably also be the old lady
who wears bright colors
and funny glasses
and talks a little too loud
and likes to take people to lunch.

That is,
after we save the world.

Of Varying Importance

Here is a list of things:

1. "The first canon cast or wrought of bronze tended to come apart upon firing, which of course made their use somewhat exciting for all involved. Carved stone cannon balls whose rough edges might catch in the barrel were equally problematic to the cannoneer, who, given his primitive working conditions, was exhorted to fear, honor, and love God more than any other soldier."
-- Carter Lindberg, The European Reformations, p. 38-39


2. I figured out how to print pictures from my computer.


3. a poem by Richard Brautigan:

Xerox Candy Bar

Ah,
you're just a copy
of all the candy bars
I've ever eaten.


4. My hair is frightfully curly today.
Perhaps the weather?


5. Christian Thought test tomorrow = more posts tonight!


6. In London, there are poems on the tube
where ads might be.
There is a compilation book called "Poems on the Underground."
This is from the parody book, "Poems Not on the Underground."

Hamlet at Kennington

Tube, or not Tube: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The stinks and elbows of obnoxious passengers,
Or to take refuge in your walkman,
And by ignoring end them? To die: to nod off:
No more; and, by nodding off to say we end
The bone-ache, the delays, the thousand disturbances
The Underground is heir to, 'tis an escape
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to have a kip;
To sleep; perchance to miss our stop: ay, there's the rub.


7. I have a lot to read.
Studying is hard.


8. "The meaning of things lies not in the things themselves but in our attitude towards them."
-- Antoine de Saint Exupery

Lent

So, every year I try to give up cussing for Lent.
It has never worked.
I am no good at not cussing.

In college,
I tried every year to give up
cussing and Coca Cola.
That certainly never worked.

It turns out I am addicted
to caffeine and bad words.

My one Lenten success story
was last year:
I gave up Walmart.

I'd give up Walmart again this year
but I don't even know where one is
to give up.

I am trying to say "foo" instead of bad words.

Technology, Fluid, Employment

I got my computer back!

My car needed about a bucket of
transmission fluid.
But no more jumping.

Job flux.
Who knows?

Tonight's methods of procrastination:

1. Going to Kroger to buy manwich sauce.
2. Making manwiches.
3. Eating manwiches on the couch while watching the O.C.
4. Email... obviously.
5. Calling CompUSA to check on my computer (sadly, after business hours)
6. Contemplating my current and possible employment situations in a cost-benefit analysis.
7. Um, blogging.
And the strangest to put into words:
8. Separating the 6 pounds of ground beef I bought into 6 ziploc baggies for easy freezing and defrosting.

I do have real things to do,
including 2 outlines and 2 papers for tomorrow's colloquy.
Hope I get around to them...
Rock on.

What I need is...

A whirlwind of productivity!
So much to do!

I have books -- yes plural
to read,
papers to write.
And a personal project to complete.

I am not really a good student.
Actually
I am really not a good student.

I need to gain a sense of
unclouded determination!
I must go work!
For hours on end!
I must accomplish my educational goals!
I must first set educational goals!
Focus.

Rock on.

Experiencing Technical Difficulties

Unlike Kip in Napoleon Dynamite,
I do not love technology.
Not these days.

My computer is gone away.
It would not turn on
so I took it to the people
and have heard nothing.
Who knows.
Good thing I spent so much on it
when I bought it
six months ago.

So I am relegated to the computer lab
and the generosity of lovely friends.
Dana is letting me use her internet
at this very minute
and John is letting me borrow his old computer
for papers and the like.

Rock on.
All will be well.

Icy street, hazy skyline.  

Out my front door this morning... sleet, not snow, has covered Hotlanta.  

Ah yes.

So, I remembered why I wanted to come to seminary.
I had these beliefs
about faith and service and justice,
specifically about service and justice being
products of faith.
I felt assured, peaceful -- maybe too calm -- with my faith,
and felt that faith inspires the desire to serve others
and to see them treated well and healthy and happy.

So I had that idea
that was more like a foundation
for everything else for me.
And I didn't know where that came from.
Obviously, it came most directly from my minister parents,
indirectly from the lives of my grandparents,
and from the even more removed lives of
people like Martin Luther King, Jr. and Eleanor Roosevelt
who couldn't bear injustice
when justice could be so beautiful
so much closer to God's intention.

So I felt called through my faith to serve others,
and I could explain it
but I didn't know where my explanation originated.
I knew my dad read me theology books when I was little
but I don't remember who said what or why.

Well, today I'm reading Luther
and there it all is.
Just what I believe, right on the page.
I haven't finished reading
and there are some things I disagree with --
at least one snide sexist and anti-semetic remark --
but also there is the premise that guides me.
People are not destined to salvation/justification/righteousness
but they are not required anything more than faith,
and the works come as an expression of love to God and neighbor.
Works do not equal grace, but grace can/should lead to works.

I think that's right.

I wanted to figure out
why I believe
what I believe.

Classes

Oh, I swapped Preaching
for Mission and International Healthcare.
Whew.

I was/am soooo not ready for preaching.
I would like to gain a broader (um, any) theological basis
and biblical understanding
prior to having to spout sermons on the spot.
I think I could have squeaked through the class,
maybe even done okay,
but that is not what I, eventually, want out of the class.

Am I ready for Mission and International Healthcare?
Who can say...
But I am interested in mission
and I would like to know more (than nothing) about healthcare.
Admittedly, I lack knowledge about healthcare,
but that's why I'm in the class.
And the professor is emphatic that health and faith are linked.
That's what I got out of today's class.
Rock on.

Breathing

I can't.
I am clogged.
No kidding.
And it is mildly miserable.

But it did motivate me to make soup.
Homemade.
For the first time ever.
Rock on, me.
It is vegetable beef
and includes
carrotsonionscelerypotatoestomatoescornlimabeansgreenbeans
and barley.
I think it's real good.
I don't really know though
since smell directly affects taste
and breathing, or the lack of, directly affects smell.
But it is pretty.
And Dana said it smelled good.

I feel crappy.
But tomorrow I will have new cereal for breakfast
and soup for lunch.
Rock on.

Here's something

from the book "Inspiration Sandwich" by SARK

I love it when people say, "You can't do that."
It's like hearing "I dare you."

When I went to Europe alone at age 19, these same people said, "Switzerland is very expensive. You can't expect to live there." So of course, I went to Switzerland immediately, and met a man in Zermatt looking for a housesitter for his chalet that had just been built into the side of a mountain, accessible only by chairlift.

Years ago, in the Bahamas, I had no money, and was tired of sleeping in the lounge chairs by the pool. I went to one of the big hotels and asked to see the manager. I told him that I would like to babysit or teach swimming in exchange for a room. He just looked at me, and then reached into a drawer, took out a set of keys and pushed them across the desk. "Take these. I was young and broke once too." The keys opened the door to a penthouse on the top floor. I lived there for a month.

I like to take the impossibles and make them possible.
I believe that we need to go to where we want to be, and the resources will follow us.
Impossible means I'm possible!
Plant all your impossible gardens and see what blooms!

Class is in Session

[an attempt to recreate the post I lost]


I really like being here.
In Atlanta. At Candler.
With these friends. In this community.
Of theologians and academic-junkies
and pastors and revolutionaries.

I really like learning.
I like being a "grad student"
and getting a discount at the movies.
I like books.
But going to class?
Reading assignments? Writing papers? Tests?
I'm not so sure.

I'm taking Intro to Preaching.
I don't know why.
I don't like preaching.
I've done it some, so I know.
I don't want to preach.
I heard the professor was phenomenal
and when I heard her preach I was impressed.
So I'm taking Preaching.
In class today she talked about
prophetic preaching and Revelation and
I'm not sure I'm down with that.

Last week
in the used book store I went to three times
because they were having a rockin' sale,
a long-haired man questioned my cynicism.
Dana and I were scoffing
at books with titles like
God's Playbook
and The Bible's Answers to Life's Questions.
"Oh! Here are the answers! Why are we in seminary?"
And the long-haired eavesdropper
(okay, we weren't hard to hear)
came over with his query.
"If you don't mind me asking,
why are you in seminary?"
Taken aback
at our jokes being analyzed,
Dana and I shot each other a look
and I attempted to explain
my former life
in social work/social justice
and my desire to do that through the church and
with a theological basis.

Since then I've been thinking about
why I am in seminary.
But it's really a continuation of my ponderings
prompted by the Christmas-letter-writing-process
which highlighted my accomplishments and interactions
working with issues
like homelessness and disabilities
pre-Atlanta,
and my mere class attendance
and extensive babysitting
in Atlanta.

So why am I in seminary?
I wasn't really sure why I applied.
I wasn't really sure when I got here.
I wonder if I'll know by the time I graduate
in two and a half years.

Today
my answer is that
I want to gain a basic understanding
of major theological movements and figures
and hone my counseling and social change skills.

Tonight
I must read about the Jewish Bible (aka Old Testament).

Tomorrow
I will change the world.

I have work to do.

Are you kidding me?

I just wrote a long
wonderful post.
And it disappeared.
Damnation.

Dana's TV Dinner Manifesto

Practicing Our Faith: Library

She's published!
Rock on!
And now more insight may be gained...

TV Dinners

food, fun, fellowship

my friend Dana has a manifesto
concerning our TV Dinners.
(TV = Turner Village, our apt. complex;
Dinners = potluck)
she sees it as a practice of our small community
within a small community
within the church
within the world.
we have identified common themes:
cook/host serves main dish from kitchen
conversation moves between theology, music and movies
drew eats a lot

first TV dinner of the new year
last night at my apt.
breakfast theme
with french toast as the main dish
and bacon, sausage, biscuits, fruit salad,
and mimosas!
or just plain juice.
conversation went as predicted
starting with theology
moving to music and movies.

and i was glad to be home.
(later i'll do my own manifesto on "Home")
rock on.

Instant gratification

Like a fun new haircut
I love contact lenses
in that they change my appearance
so drastically
from the dark frames
I've been stuck with for 3 weeks.

Hooray for face freedom