A Whirlwind of Productivity

So there were books I was going to read.
But today I did a lot of other stuff
and I only left the house once.

I made:
3 necklaces
4 bracelets
30 dollars

I helped:
Mom pick out new workout shoes.
Grandma go outside to see the birds on the birdfeeder
and the squirrels eyeing the feeder from above in trees.

I watched:
My brother change my oil.
My aunt make boxes for my jeweled enterprise.
My mom make lunch.

Rock on.
Pictures still coming.
Later.

Rockin' the Net

Turns out there is dial-up at Grandma's.

So the world was pretty covered in ice.
But as my mom said
destructive.
Here's the equation:
sleet = icy trees = trees on road = long long trip to Florida

It was not our latest arrival at Grandma's
time-of-the-day-wise.
But 100 miles in 2.5 hours is crazy.

The nugget of truth
gained from the sleety excursion:
when ice is all over everything
stick to the interstate
and not so much tiny obscure backroads.

Rock on.
I'll try to post a photo
of the icy glory.
But not today...

A Day Late and a Dollar Short

Like me
Mother Nature takes her time

No white Christmas
Sleet Sunday



in other news:
I have a cel phone now
I'll be internet free this week
at Grandma's

rock on

The Christmas Letter

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
I hope they find you well, happy and healthy! 2004 has been my year of two cities, goodbyes and beginnings, and multitudes of adventures. I made a kind of chart.

Tallahassee
Job: Mental Health Outreach Specialist at Ability1st
Housing: 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment with my friend Kenyetta
Relaxing: St. George beach, downtown park market
Distance to family: 1/2 hour to Uncle Larry's, 2 and 1/2 hours to Grandma's, & 8 hours to my parents
Friends: wonderful, mostly work-related
My Boyfriend Dave: living blocks away, working at Dept. of Education

Atlanta
Job(s): part-time nanny, church nursery worker, tutor; student chaplain at a recovery program
Housing: 2 bedroom 1 bath on-campus apartment with Emily, another first year student
Relaxing: Atlanta (good food, museums, bunches of fun little neighborhoods to explore, always something going on)
Distance to family: 4 hours to my parents, 6 hours to Grandma
Friends: some college and US-2 friends, lots of new theologian friends
Dave: teaching high school English 3 hours away

Adventures
Some trips to the beach
Moving to a new state, and the biggest city I've lived in
Starting grad school after 3 and a half years of working
A trip to Minnesota with the family
Three pro baseball games -- 2 Twins and 1 Braves
Three lovely friends' wonderful weddings
Van Gogh exhibit at the High Museum
Late night dining at IHOP and Waffle House, just like college
TV dinners with theologians in training

Generally, life is good. I'm finding balance. I love Atlanta. I miss Tallahassee. I love being a seminary student, but I miss being in social service. I love learning, but not so much studying. I'm glad Dave is teaching, but I miss living near him. I have fabulous new friends, but I miss all my friends from Tallahassee, US-2, college, etc. I hope you, too, find balance at this year's end.
I wish you all peace and joy!
Merry Christmas!
Blessings!

Leaving the ATL

Heading out today.
Gone to the SC and the FL.
(Another version:
Leaving the 404.
Gone to the 864, 352, 803
and maybe the 850.)
Rock on three week break.

Tried to copy my Christmas letter
into this cyber world.
But alas.
Not a technology person.
So if it wouldn't copy and paste
it didn't get here.
May type it later.
Who the heck knows.

Bought/made all the presents
and now I'm broke.
But I am pleased.
Good thing I started making jewelry.

Stoked to see Dave
and family (both his and mine)
and friends.
Love a road trip.

Time to pack.
Only phrases today, folks.
Rock on.

Fern's Going Away CD

A Change Would Do You Good (Sheryl Crow)
Cowtown (They Might Be Giants)
Holiday (Weezer)
Cathedrals (Jump Little Children)
Strength, Courage, & Wisdom (India.Arie)
Wonderful World (Louis Armstrong)
Istanbul/Constantinople* (TMBG)
Rains in Asia (JLC)
Old Dominion (Eddie from Ohio)
Soak Up the Sun (Sheryl Crow)
Hella Good (No Doubt)
Ring of Fire (Johnny Cash)
Mexico (JLC)
Stickshifts and Safetybelts (Cake)
Curbside Prophet (Jason Mraz)
Tiny Dancer (Elton John)
The Remedy (Jason Mraz)
Closer to Fine (Indigo Girls)
B-13 (JLC)
I See God in You (India.Arie)

*I have no idea what the real name of the song is,
but you totally know what I mean.

Not just confined to academia:

My procrastination extends
beyond borders of school or work.
From the list of things I was to do
Wednesday, I just today
did dishes.
Laundry, who knows when?
Tomorrow maybe.

However, I did take out the trash
and recycling.
And I am almost done
Christmas shopping.

I haven't started
any of those books
either.

Rock on, me.

High Culture

I went to the High Museum today.

Van Gogh
Monet
Pissaro
Picasso
Mondrian


My favorite painting
"Cafe' Terrace at Night"
was the centerpiece
of the exhibit "Van Gogh to Mondrian."
I looked at that painting at least 3 times.
The brush strokes were amazing,
the colors so bold,
the texture so rich and essential.
1888
and in 2004 it's still so beautiful.
Security guard told me I was too close
and kids on field trips would emulate me.

The Lists

Here's what I will do tomorrow:
sleep.
take Benjamin to the airport, or at least the bus station.
sleep.
go to the bank.
watch a little television.
do laundry.
flip through a magazine.
go tutor some kids.
wash the dishes.
eat some dinner, maybe from willy's (mm, tacos...).
drink some cokes.
watch a movie.
drink champagne with my ladies.

Here's what I will not do tomorrow:
write a paper.
study anything.
read anything that will increase my knowledge
about theology or the Old Testament or
Christian or Methodist history.
cook.
stress about anything.

Here are the books I want to read
over the next month
while I have no classes
and no guilt about what I should be reading
but am not:
Tall Pine Polka by Lorna Landvik
Jemima J by Jane Green
Gorilla My Love by Toni Cade Bambara (again!)
Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf

Aaagggh!

So much to say, so much to say, so much to sayyyyy...

Still not up to 15 pages.
Less than an hour and a half til it's due.

At least I had my crazy roommate here
typing like a madwoman too.
Our living room is one big pile of books
and echochamber of frustrated screams.

Almost there...
almost...

So Many Pages....

15 pages to go!

Methodists have so much history

and I must prove I know it.

Until then
it's type type type
and stall stall stall.

My first semester of seminary

of being a grad student

is over at 5:00pm tomorrow.

Tomorrow
in my breathing breaks
I will produce
1) a list of things I can do Wednesday
after exams are done
2) a list of books I might read
over Christmas break.

Fantastic.

Pages

Countdown:
5 hours
7 pages

I can rock this, right?
I got 3 pages in one and a half, so...
who knows.

Stinkin' old testament...
that Joab sure was manipulative
and he really liked to kill people
especially if they done him wrong
he could write one hell of a country song

Tonight and tomorrow:
Methodist History
Rock on

And I'm off!
Write write write write write
write write write write
write write write
write write
write

Words...

I have stuff to write for exams.
And stuff to study for exams.
So I am reading poetry.
Here are two poems by Gwendolyn Brooks
about other poets:



Of Robert Frost

There is a little lightning in his eyes.
Iron at the mouth.
His brows ride neither too far up nor down.

He is splendid. With a place to stand.

Some glowing in the common blood.
Some specialness within.



Langston Hughes

is merry glory.
Is saltatory.
Yet grips his right of twisting free.

Has a long reach,
Strong speech,
Remedial fears,
Muscular tears.

Holds horticulture
In the eye of the vulture
Infirm profession.
In the Compression --
In mud and blood and sudden death --
In the breath
Of the holocaust he
Is helmsman, hatchet, headlight.
See
One restless in the exotic time! and ever,
Til the air is cured of its fever.

It's Saturday

and I'm in the southern Carolina
on the western side.

My love's cough rattles
ill weeks
his attention on video games
in lieu of teenagers' literary knowledge.
Dr. said
don't teach yet
you might give the sick to the kids.
Dave said
why not
they gave it to me.

This week
of 14 pages due
finally ended
and I am breathing.
25 take home pages
and 1 actual final
remain.

Lucky...

So, insanity.
Book = long, dense
Luck = 5 page conclusion/summary

Still
7 pages to write

I am not
a good student.

In case you had not guessed.

Here we go again...

Paper due 2:30 tomorrow.
No words typed.
Research done.
Rough outline.
Still nothing to show.

I am crazy.

Thoughts instead of writing:
1. my ill love
2. what to do about presents this year
-- low funds
-- donde esta alternative christmas market?
-- everything from 10,000 Villages?
3. Christmas decor for the apt
4. my new haircut's cuteness
5. sleep

alas.

Thanks, everybody

Here are things I am glad about:

my funny family
and our tendency toward quick-turnaround road trips

my love

old friends
who remember things like my hatred for processed cheese
and how much I used to say cute

new friends
who make me think about things in different ways
and have fun random adventures

Other People's Words

Because I love quotes
and because I am a procrastinator
(school work, dirty dishes, etc.
as opposed to doing fun stuff)
I have decided to share some
quotes relating to time,
in hopes that you, too,
might embrace your life
and really really live it.

"It's never too late to be what you might have been."
-- George Eliot

"Tomorrow's life is too late. Live today."
-- Marcus Valerius Martial

"If you let yourself be absorbed completely, if you surrender completely to the moments as they pass, you live more richly those moments."
-- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives."
-- Annie Dillard

"If you are ever to enjoy life, now is the time, not tomorrow or next year... Today should always be our most wonderful day."
-- Thomas Dreier

"And if not now, when?"
-- Talmud

"The one thing I regret is that I will never have time to read all the books I want to read."
-- Francoise Sagan

"Don't hurry, don't worry. You're only here for a short visit. So be sure to stop and smell the flowers."
-- Walter Hagen

"Life is all memories except for the one present moment that goes by so quick you can hardly catch it going."
-- Tennessee Williams

"Seize the day, put no trust in tomorrow."
-- Horace

"Light tomorrow with today."
-- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

"I thank you God for this most amazing day; for the leaping greenly spirits of trees and a blue dream of sky; and for everything which is natural which is infinite which is yes."
-- e. e. cummings

Homer Simpson moment
mmm... donuts....


Mitch Hedberg moment
don't even act like i didn't just buy that donut.
i have the documentation right here.
oh wait it's at home
in the file
under d for donut

Maybe next time...

read the material


this time...

awake
IHOP run
purple back pocket flashcards
notes
cramming the OT
laws judges sacrifices murmuring

distractions...
movies
shopping
making the jewels
deco-fern-orating
living
donuts

and which will i remember in 10 years...

No Day But Today...

For me, a lot comes down to these words from my favorite play, "Rent":

There's only us. There's only this.
Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.
No other road, no other way,
No day but today!

Finding a calm, if not a peace

Someone said (remembering the struggles of the UMC General Conference this year, and how those played out) that they don't think the whole nation will hold hands and sing "Blest be the tie that binds."
Today, my lovely friend said she doesn't want to hold hands with the voters in this nation.

Many people are pleased with the outcome of the election.
Many people are angry, hurt, grieving, frustrated, confused...
Mostly, within me I feel a lack.
A lack of understanding, a lack of plan, a lack of anger even, certainly a lack of peace.
I just don't know. I'm just still waiting.

When I see the opposing sides, I see such passion, such conviction.
I see a lack of love, a lack of peace.

I did not like it.
I don't understand how people can ban gay marriage on principles of "morality." How can legal discrimination, fostering of hatred, spreading pain and oppressing someone's being... how can that be moral?
Yet, I know that as strongly as I believe, with every bit of myself, that loving someone should not be considered cause for oppression...
someone on the other side of this issue has an equal and opposite reaction.

In the church, we are oppressive in this same way.
We often fail to recognize the fullness of a person's humanity, fail to affirm their value, fail to embrace them wholely and lovingly.
We see an issue.
If we disagree with a person over a big enough issue, we discount them.
We are not the loving people God has called us to be.

When we are filled with passion over an issue, we are unable to truly hear the other side.
We don't allow ourselves to be open to the possibility that the truth lies somewhere between.
We see ourselves as right, and the other as wrong.

I do not feel a lack of hope.
I feel a lack of direction.
I am seeking, but that is hard and scary, and daily diversions tempt me away.
I pray that I can allow myself to be fully open, fully devoted, fully aware.
Calm, not necessarily peace, may be alright for now.

Maya?

A Conceit


Give me your hand.

Make room for me
to lead and follow
you
beyond this rage of poverty.

Let others have
the privacy of
touching words
and love of loss
of love.

For me
Give me your hand.


-- Maya Angelou

Thus the procrastination begins...

Due tomorrow:
10 pages
Methodist History midterm
forgot
headache

this weekend:
party in costumes
Garfleck, Pippi, Teresa
sleeping late
i hearted huckabees again
with my Dave this time
3 kids in nursery at church
daredevil

alas